I haven’t written here in over a year. This is not because I don’t think of a million things that I’d like to post about. My mind is always on overdrive and going in a million different directions. (If ritalin had been popular when I was in school, I would have been visiting the nurse before lunch every day for my dosage.) It’s not because my life has been boring or lacking events to note. It is simply because I AM TIRED! And I’m tired of being tired! My facebook status at this moment states “Today has been brought to you by the letter TIRED!” Isn’t that ridiculous? I’m tired of complaining about being tired too!
I’m 41 going on 70! It’s 8:48 and I’m gettting a little nervous that I might not get in bed early enough to wake up by dark:30 with a smile on my face to greet 114 pre-teens with the appropriate morning niceness. Is that a word? Niceness. It is now.
What bothers me most is that I am missing out on so much of my life and I CAN NOT for the life of me figure out how to slow it down, take it all in, be present in the moments. I can’t quite figure out how to live out all of the quotes that I’ve posted through the years that spoke to my heart. At what point do you stop chasing and stop racing in the rat race and just say enough is enough. I’m changing the course of this ship.
I wake up panicking because somebody’s uniform is in the washer and it needs to be dry before they leave. It is nuts that my first thoughts are of something that I’m behind about…..because I slept! I’m sure some of this forever long to do list is normal for most people. I know that only the glamorous goes public on social media. I’ve never seen anyone cleaning a toilet in a selfie or posing in front of a sinkful of dirty dishes. I know that life is busy for most people. I get that I’m not some crazy exception to the rule or super woman.
I’m just soul searching for some really intentional ways to slow mine down….for the sake of my self and my family.
I’m going to write about it until I figure it out. Because that helps, right? 🙂