I don’t know about other moms but I rarely feel as if I have it “together.” I mean, we get it done..well, sort of. I usually only get out of the house to go to the grocery store and church. By the way, I know this is not healthy, but if you can figure out how to do it easily with no help and three under three…message me. 🙂 The grocery store is a pretty forgiving place at 9:30 p.m. so I can get away with shorts and one of Henry’s t-shirts. Church, on the other hand, always makes me feel a little anxious. Thankfully, the boys are pretty self-sufficient. By the time six wiggling arms are coaxed into perfectly ironed dresses, six little feet are shoved into shoes that fit well last week but not this one, three little heads of hair are brushed and attempts at bows are made……I’m done. Henry is usually loading the girls into the van and I am calling out, “Okay, just let me fix my hair and I’ll be right there.” So you can imagine. Drop off at the nursery is hit and miss. Sometimes we packed it all…sometimes we hope no one poops and needs another diaper. God’s richest blessings on those who bring spares. 🙂 It feels silly sometimes to feel successful that you are actually IN the van and haven’t even gone anywhere. The twins have given me a new appreciation, or maybe it is envy, for those who appear to have it all “together.” I went to a 9am birthday party last week with Henry and the girls. After the initial crowd moved into the house for cake, my good friend (bless you Jessica) said “I think you have your shirt on inside out!” I quickly responded “but we made it.” That seems to be my way of life for now. I love this life. I wish I could figure out how to have perfectly painted toes and fingers, serve gourmet meals, have girls night out weekly, and do all those things that “together” girls do. But for now, I’m blessed to be a mess.
For the past few days, we have been receiving small showers of rain in the afternoon. Yesterday was no exception. I tried to remember if the twins had seen “real” rain, at least since they have been old enough to notice it. So I quickly got Haigan to help me get them to the back porch so we could sit and let them watch. As all of the showers have, it quickly faded into a sprinkle and then it was gone, with only a few steamy puddles to remember it by. I had noticed my sad little marigolds earlier in the day, dry and in need of some attention. But as the rain left, they were just shining with color. I just had to take a picture of them. (We’re very proud of them as they are the one thing we had time to plant this year.) It really made me stop and think about the rain. I feel like there have been many showers of rain in my life, many disappointments, so many things that I wish I’d done differently. During those times when it was “raining” and “stormy”, I certainly would have wished to be anywhere but in the middle of it. But just like our little pots of marigolds, I needed the rain. I hope that I have been polished just a little bit during my life’s rainstorms and that I can shine just a little brighter now too.
Baby A took her first steps about two weeks ago and has gotten really confident in the past few days. I was actually, and still am I suppose, very anxious for the twins to walk. They watch LG and kick their feet in their wagon as they see her run freely through the back yard. It seems very appealing to them and I have felt that they were being left out of some of the fun activities. But as this milestone is reached, it is bittersweet. I had a professor in college who once said “Mothers have the hardest jobs because they have to let their hearts walk around in the world.” I don’t know if she was quoting someone else or if she spoke from her own mama heart but that just stuck with me. I was a very new mother at the time but I still got it. Not quite like I get it now, but I understood. Right now, we lure Baby A by excitedly saying “come to mama, come to mama” and she does. She comes with the sweetness and innocence of all that she was created to be….bringing it all to mama. I know that this entire life is likened to a vapor…so these brief moments pass so quickly that I can’t even comprehend it. My prayer for my girls, and all of my kids, is that their steps will be lit by His word. I pray that the paths that they take lead them to the foot of the cross. Four of my five hearts are now walking around in this very big world.
Oh be careful little feet where you go…….