Do you ever deeply long for an answer to a situation?
Do you pray to have clarity?
Do you sometimes think you hear the answer but then wonder if you made it up yourself?
Those are the ways that I’ve felt for the past six years regarding the schooling of the girls. Since having the twins, I have felt the deep longing to home school. I knew for years that there was more that I was supposed to be. However, by the time that I got done teaching and they got finished with school, we were all too tired to connect.
So, we started thinking of how I could stay home. We did the budget. It didn’t work.
We did it again. We tweaked. Not much had changed. We were super frugal. We still needed to come up with some additional income.
We heard a message at church one Sunday last fall that just stuck with me. Sometimes, you don’t get the blessing until AFTER you’ve taken a leap of faith. It was a message for me.
In February, we decided that I would quit my teaching job and home school the girls. Keep in mind that the girls were in one of the best schools in the state. People would think I was crazy. I did not really share this information with many. If I said it out loud, it made me anxious and doubtful.
Time ticked on. In May, I finally did it. I quit full time teaching.
The first few months of summer were spent in anticipation of what school would be like. The first week in August, we started getting our classroom ready. The girls were SO excited! While everyone else was posting back to school pictures, I was posting a relaxed morning with my kids sleeping in.
We started school on August 8th! We had an incredible week! We felt immediately that we had made the right decision.
This picture was taken on Friday, August 12th. Everything about this was peaceful.
The following morning, all of that changed.
My classroom is a little lower than the rest of that house and was the first room to flood. Two days later, it looked like this.
I said out loud to God, “God, did I hear you right? I really thought this is what I was supposed to do!”
Five weeks later, the girls’ desks, still neatly labeled with their name and grade, were hauled away with the rest of our home’s contents.
As I stood watching, I was sad. Those were my honest feelings. I haven’t been sad very much. I wasn’t sad for the desks (although those suckers are not cheap on Ebay)! I simply needed to hear God’s voice of reassurance.
This is what I’ve learned from this situation.
God is here. He is good. He cared that I cared about those desks. He has reassured me more than he needed to over the past weeks in many ways.
He has blessed me with people who have restocked my home school supplies.
He has sent many, many encouragers along the way. I am making new friends with people that I already have grown to love in a very short time.
He has calmed my heart.
We have an apartment for now.
Little things don’t upset me much.
My body feels better than it has in years.
My husband and I are a team. We grow stronger every day as a unit.
My girls still love our version of school. This week at co-op, my eight year old looked up as we sat together on a picnic blanket and said, “I love this. I love everything about this.”
If your dreams are being rearranged and your “desks” are being thrown out, believe this with me. God has good things in store! He does for YOU and for ME!
I didn’t hear him wrong. I just didn’t know the path it would all take. And that’s okay.